Sunday, May 29, 2022

Minority Report: Everybody Runs - Everybody Ragdolls



In the distant past of the early 2000's, it was common for a big budget movie to receive a tie-in game.  These were made to drum up excitement and sell merchandise.  Love the movie?  Then play the game and experience the movie again in digital form!

However, most movie games were the equivalent of unbuttered toast.  Serviceable but bland.  Some were like buttered toast, tasty and enjoyable.  Others were like burnt toast, charred, tasteless, and better off in the garbage.

This leads to this review's subject, Minority Report: Everybody Runs.  Based on the film starring Tom Cruise, which in of itself was based on a Philip K. Dick short story, Minority Report is set in a world where a special branch of law enforcement arrests crooks before they even commit a crime.

Development duties were handled by Treyarch, the same studio responsible for the Sam Raimi Spider-Man games and every Call of Duty not made by Infinity Ward or Sledgehammer.  Seeing how Spider-Man 2 is the hot, buttered toast of movie licensed games, Minority Report: Everybody Runs could very much be the same...or not.  Let's find out.

Story Synopsis

Set in the distant future of 2054, you play as John Anderton, captain of PreCrime.  PreCrime's job is to arrest perps before they commit a crime.  They're able to do this using PreCogs, genetically modified humans who can predict the future.  Because of PreCrime, the national crime rate has plunged.

After thwarting an attempted murder, Anderton returns to HQ only to discover something shocking.  The PreCogs show him killing an unknown man.  Confused and about to be arrested, Anderton flees HQ in search of answers.  He eventually discovers that this vision is a minority report, meaning it's an outcome not all the PreCogs agree on.

Story, Writing, and Characters

Minority Report: Everybody Runs has an intriguing premise, but the game doesn't make the most of it.  The game makes the classic mistake of assuming you have seen the movie and know what's going on.  If you haven't, then 85 percent of the plot won't make sense.  I understood the basic gist of the story, but the game's choppy pacing made it hard to keep track.

Characters come and go, there are sudden shifts in location from one scene to the next, and much of the film's nuance is lost in adaptation.  I like the idea of free will vs. determinism, but Everybody Runs doesn't slow down to explore its themes.  It's more concerned with getting to the next level so the player doesn't fall asleep.

Don't mind him, he's hanging out.

The video game emphasizes action, which is fine, but it creates a disconnect between cut-scenes and gameplay.  During cut-scenes, Anderton is trying to prove his innocence, but it's hard to sympathize when in the previous level, he was chucking cops off skyscrapers.  By the end, I'm pretty sure Anderton lowered Pre-Crime's employment by 70 percent.

This game may be subtitled Everybody Runs, but it should be Everybody Murders.  Anderton seems to take joy dispatching everyone he crosses paths with, especially the FBI agents sent to monitor his behavior.  Minority Report: Everybody Dies takes an engaging sci-fi thriller and turns it into a schlocky action fest.


There's a wrong way and a right way to play Minority Report: Everybody Runs.  If you play it the wrong way, it's a mediocre brawler with clunky controls and difficulty spikes.  If you play it the right way, it's a hilarious physics simulator that rivals the likes of Goat Simulator and Saints Row.

Minority Report is a brawler.  Over the game's 40 levels, John Anderton punches, kicks, and throws his way to uncovering the conspiracy.  Every now and then, Anderton gets his hands on guns, or a jetpack for some flying.  The tutorial stages teach the player the basics before the story mode lets you off the leash.

Initially, the combat isn't half bad.  There's a surprisingly large move-list, along with several techniques to unlock via the black market.  When an enemy is dazed, Anderton can grab them.  You can then either lay some extra blows, chuck them into the scenery, or throw them off a balcony.  Throwing enemies is the easiest way to dispatch foes; not to mention, incredibly satisfying.

The main enemy is PreCrime.  Occasionally, Anderton fights street thugs or robots, but for most of the campaign, it's the boys in blue.  Some cops are armed with stun sticks, some are armed with guns, and some deploy tiny robots that can swarm the player or explode.  There's also the occasional mall security guard, but these guys are no problem for dime-store Anderson Cooper.

Everybody runs in Everybody Runs.

When Anderton's fists get him nowhere, there are guns.  Weapons include machine guns, shotguns, an energy rifle, a grenade launcher, and a launcher that fires swarms of tiny missiles.  My personal favorite is the puke grenade, which stuns enemies and makes them puke their guts out.

Searching each level for secrets rewards you with money, weapons, or health.  The game encourages you to destroy everything in sight and it's surprising how much destructibility there is.  This only adds to the chaotic nature of the gameplay as you try breaking as much stuff as possible.

On paper, Minority Report: Everybody Brawls doesn't sound bad.  In execution, it's equal parts clunky and frustrating.  Despite the wide assortment of moves at your disposal, the basic punches and kicks are the most effective attacks.  Trying any combos will get Anderton knocked off his feet.

Fighting is more manageable when it's only a few foes, but levels frequently pit you against large groups of enemies where the only choice is to give them the runaround.  Successfully winning fights doesn't come from skill, but from running circles like a headless chicken and stopping to curb stomp dudes in the family jewels.

You have guns, but the game discourages you from using them because ammo is limited.  It's best to save your ammo for enemies with guns.  If you don't take them out first, they will quickly whittle away your health with their bullets.  Most of your deaths are the result of being unable to take on all the enemies the game throws at you.

When the going gets tough, the black market supplies Anderton with weapons, supplies, and upgrades.  Annoyingly, there's a limit on each item, and once it's gone, it's gone.  I knew the black market was shady, but I didn't know they were stingy.

He may claim he's innocent, but the fact he uses cops as meat shields shows otherwise.

Variety is limited in Minority Report: Everybody Quits.  Every mission is the same, kill all enemies, kill all enemies, k i l l a l l e n e m i e s.  The game gets repetitive fast, and the choppy pacing means some levels may take ten minutes to beat, while others take less than a minute.  It gets boring and with how cheap the difficulty is, I'm not afraid to admit I used cheat codes.

I'm not usually one to use cheat codes, but this was an instance where I felt it was justified.

The level design is straightforward, but there are times when it's unclear where you are supposed to go.  A good example is a mission set in the Sprawl, a rundown section of the city.  Anderton needs to find the exit, but it doesn't clearly explain where the exit is.  That's not the problem, the problem is the level design makes it hard to tell what's safe to climb and what isn't.

I spent at least five minutes running around, murdering cops and bums alike, until I looked up that you're supposed to shimmy across some ledges to reach a window.

Minority Report is at its best during the jetpack stages.  Flying is surprisingly smooth and it's fun to plow into cops.  It's just a shame the jetpack is severely underutilized.  I would have loved for some levels where you're flying through the city streets, evading the police while trying to reach a safe zone.

Boss fights aren't the best.  They're either too easy, or surprisingly frustrating.  The second fight against Moseley is especially annoying because he has a sweep kick that insta-kills Anderton.

Breaking the Game

Now, I mentioned there's a wrong way and a right way to play this game.  The wrong way is playing the game as is.  The right way is when you activate the cheat codes, which turns Minority Report from something forgettable into something special.

I laughed my ass off as Anderton crashed into furniture, flew around as a zombie, and beat the final boss senseless with a baseball bat.  The cheat codes turn Minority Report into one of the most hilarious games ever made.  Real life bogging you down?  Play Minority Report and watch a dude turn the bodies of other dudes into his own Katamari ball.  With the press of a button, watch as Anderton Cooper careens into patio furniture.

For all its faults, of which there are many, Minority Report is not short on entertainment.

Visuals and Sound

Graphically, the game looks okay.  Characters and locations get the job done, and there's an impressive amount of destructibility.  Glass shatters, furniture breaks, and rocks split in half after meeting the wrath of Anderton's fists.  Plus, the ragdoll is truly amazing.

Tom Cruise didn't voice Mr. Anderton or provide his likeness, hence why he looks like that CNN guy and has the voice of Mr. Krabs.  Clancy Brown does a decent job with what's he's given.  Clancy makes the character a cocky hotshot unfazed by what's going on and not afraid to crack a one-liner or two.  The rest of the voice acting is serviceable, and its hilarious enemies shout "I'm falling!" as you throw them to their deaths.

Remember, this is a T-rated game that lets you chuck guys off rooftops like nobody's business.

Final Verdict

Minority Report: Everybody Runs meets all the hallmarks of a typical movie licensed game.  Flimsy storytelling?  Check.  Clunky gameplay?  Check.  Controller breaking difficulty spikes?  Check.  It doesn't delve into any of the ideas the film posits, nor are the characters anything but forgettable.

The gameplay shows promise with its fisticuffs and jetpacks, but the moment-to-moment action is unsatisfying.  Nothing says fun like being unable to pull off combos and defend yourself against simple hoodlums.  Playing through the 40 levels felt like a chore, not helped by the game's messy pacing.  It may only take four to five hours, but it's a long four to five hours.

However, once the cheat codes are activated, the gloves are off.  What was once plain and forgettable becomes entertaining and cathartic.  If you don't try out the cheats, you're missing out on what makes Minority Report so enjoyable.

Minority Report: Everybody Runs is like unbuttered toast.  You're eating it and it's alright, but it could be better.  You add some jelly and then it becomes tastier.  This game may be a 5/10, but it's a delicious 5/10.

Final Score: 5/10

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

A Very Big Update

It's May.  The temperatures are getting warmer, school's out, and there's a lot going on that I have to discuss.  From a new YouTube channel to a new project to a new chapter in my life.


This year, I launched the GamerGuy's Reviews YouTube channel.  With the power of a desktop computer by my side, I'm able to make videos hassle free.  However, looking up my channel shows three videos and three videos only.  You might also notice a two month gap between the last video and my most recent one.

The reason is simple: I was working two jobs.  One during the day, and one at night.

This left me enough time to write, but not enough to produce videos.  Thus, I put videos on the backburner to focus on writing.  This allowed me to at the very least, take any videos I had planned and still put them out as an article.  It was a tough call, but I didn't want to deliver a half baked video.  The good news is I no longer work a night job, which has freed up my schedule.

Even though I've only done a few videos, it's been an interesting experience.  Making videos is like finding your voice all over again.  It's one thing to write a review, it's another thing to write a review that doubles as a script.  Then, there's recording lines, something I dread.  I go through many takes until I hit upon one that sounds just right.  Surprisingly, the least difficult part is editing, though it probably helps that I outline my videos ahead of time.

The more time I spend doing videos, the easier it will get.  My idea moving forward is to do a simultaneous release where the video and article go up together.  I did it with the Force Unleashed review, and I'll keep it that way moving forward.

On the subject of upcoming videos, I have one in the works that's been a long time coming.

The History of Destroy All Humans

Ever since THQ Nordic revived Destroy All Humans, I thought it would be cool if someone explored the series' history.  Then I realized, why not me?  At the end of 2021, I began writing scripts for The History of Destroy All Humans, a line of videos exploring the making of the cult-classic series.

This is a project I'm excited about.  Destroy All Humans is one of my favorite franchises.  It's been fun yet fascinating learning more about the series through my research and doing interviews.  It's given me a better understanding of game development and what it takes to bring a game to fruition.

Originally, I planned on releasing the series next month, with a trailer in April.  Because I was juggling two jobs, I wasn't able to devote as much time to the project as I had hoped.  Last month, I resumed work on the project, and progress has been smooth.  This week, I finished writing the script for Path of the Furon, leaving only the remakes to talk about.  That script will be finished this weekend.

Like I said, this will be a series.  I was originally going to make it a single video, but when I saw the page count had hit 18 pages, I decided to split it up.  This is good because viewers won't fall to sleep, and I won't lose any sleep trying to edit a two-hour long video.

The History of Destroy All Humans is a passion project.  It's satisfying on a personal level and a professional level.  If I pull this off, this could bring a lot of attention to my work.  We'll see.

I'll upload an announcement trailer next month.  The History of Destroy All Humans is coming to YouTube this August.

Freelance Writing

In March, I applied to a handful of websites looking for freelance writers.  I ended up being hired by KeenGamer.  I'm glad for the opportunity because it'll allow me earn some experience writing for a legitimate website, plus I'll get paid for my efforts.

Moving Out

This is a big one.  At the end of May, I'm moving out of my parents' place.  I've lived in this house all my life.  Even during college, I stayed at home instead of living on campus.  While I'll always have plenty of fond memories, it's time for me to move on.  I'm 25 years old and I can't live in this house forever.  If I do, I need my head checked out.

Even as I write this, there's a mixture of emotions running through me.  I'm nervous, I'm excited, and I'm relieved, relieved knowing I'm about to start a new chapter in my life.  I'll be on my own, charting courses for unknown destinations.  Boldly going where I've never gone before.

I'll still be writing reviews and making videos, but I'll be doing it from the comfort of my own place.


There are three constants in life: death, taxes, and GamerGuy's Reviews.  What started as a pastime has opened up opportunities for me I didn't expect.  It pushed me to be creative, to take risks.  It pushed me to better my writing, make it clearer, focused, and less scatterbrained.  There have been highs.  There have been lows.

Five years ago, I came close to calling it quits.  My work/life balance was out of control and I was jeopardizing myself.  I struggled writing because my brain was fried, but I chose not to quit.  I gave myself a month off to put myself back together, and I came back with a vengeance in 2018.

Will I ever stop writing GamerGuy's Reviews?  Yes, but not for the immediate future.  I'm capable of a lot more, and frankly, I'm just getting started.  Now, that I'm on YouTube, I need to build an audience on there, and in turn, get them to check out what I write.  

As a wise man once said, "You're only given a spark of madness, you mustn't lose it."

Friday, May 6, 2022

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Switch) Review

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy not too far away, the future of Star Wars was up in the air.  2005's Revenge of the Sith marked the end of the prequel trilogy and the Star Wars saga.  With no new movies for the foreseeable future, it was up to television, comics, and video games to provide people their Star Wars fix.

There has been a plethora of Star Wars games.  Some good, some bad.  In 2008, LucasArts released Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, a game which asked the question, "What if you could use the Force to pull a Star Destroyer out of the sky?"  The game made headlines for using the Euphoria physics engine and for its story, which was set in between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope.

To ensure the game did well, multiple versions were created for next-gen systems, last-gen systems, handhelds, and even mobile phones.  LucasArts handled development duties for the next-gen version, while the Australian-based Krome Studios worked on the Wii, PS2, and PSP ports.  In early 2022, publisher Aspyr surprised everyone by announcing a remaster of the Wii version for Nintendo Switch.

Waggle like it's 2008.

The game opens with Darth Vader landing on Kashyyk.  The Sith Lord is looking for a Jedi hiding out on the Wookee home-world.  He finds the Jedi and is about to execute him when he discovers the Jedi has a son.  Vader murders the Jedi, takes the boy, and raises him in secrecy.  Trained in the ways of the dark side, Starkiller is tasked by Vader to eliminate all remaining Jedi.

Assisting him on his journey is his personal droid Proxy and his pilot Juno Eclipse.  Eventually, Starkiller begins veering from the dark side and onto the path of good.  His actions lead to the creation of a rebel alliance that will fight back against the Galactic Empire.

The Force Unleashed's story does a good job bridging the gap between the prequels and the original trilogy without coming off as fanfiction.  This game may be considered non-canon, but it's a solid tale backed by memorable characters and good writing.

Starkiller's journey from evil to good is what keeps you invested.  He's like Luke if Luke had been raised by Vader.  He believes the Sith is good and the Jedi are weak.  However, when he's assassinating Jedi master Rahm Kota, the seeds of his redemption are planted.  As the game continues, he realizes the dark side isn't what it's cracked up to be.

The level selection reflects this.  You spend the first half following Vader's orders, and then in the second half, you return to each planet to undo the damage you caused.  Starkiller's pilot/potential love interest is Juno Eclipse.  She's there to do her job but after she's arrested by the Empire, Starkiller saves her, and she helps him in his quest.  Just as you think the two are about to fall in love, Starkiller sacrifices himself to save the rebellion.

Rubbing your feet on carpet leads to shocking results.

Proxy is a droid and Starkiller's trainer.  The best way to describe him is that he's C-3PO's psychotic cousin.  When he's not providing detailed information on characters and missions, he's trying to murder Starkiller to fulfill his programming.  Unfortunately, this aspect of the character is absent from Krome Studios' version, which is a shame because his dark humor led to some funny moments in the HD version.

The story and characters are the same between LucasArts and Krome Studio's versions.  However, the latter is based on an earlier draft of the game's script, so it features levels not seen in the LucasArts title.  These include trips to the Jedi temple and a detour to Cloud City.  While this is cool for hardcore fans, the extra levels don't impact the story much.

The Jedi temple levels are unnecessary because they don't add anything meaningful.  Plus, you visit this place not once, not twice, but three times.  At least with Cloud City you are there to convince the planet's leader to join the rebellion, and save him from the bounty hunters wreaking havoc.

My favorite aspect of the story is the locations.  Although you travel to familiar places like Kashyyk and the Death Star, you also visit planets referenced or briefly shown in the films, like Felucia and Raxus Prime.  Raxus Prime is a standout because of its design and atmosphere.  It's a rundown planet built on the remains of droids and starships, so everything is rusty, dank, and decrepit.

I like it when Star Wars shows us sides of the galaxy we've rarely seen, and the Force Unleashed is no exception.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is best described as God of War Meets Psi Ops.  You can slash at foes with your lightsaber or knock them around using the Force.  The most unique aspect of this recent remaster are the controls.  The game lets you choose between using a mixture of motion and traditional controls, or just traditional controls.

Travel to Cloud City and stop some bounty hunters.

I played the game exclusively using the former and it was quite satisfying.  Swinging the lightsaber with the right joy-con felt more responsive than it did in the original Wii game.  That version had a hard time reading your swings, so you would flail your remote around and hope for the best.  Not the case here.

Using force push is done by shaking the left joy-con, while other abilities like lightning, repulse, and dash are allocated to the face buttons and triggers.  The game does a great job mixing these two control styles together, and it made me feel like a little kid swinging his toy lightsaber around while pretending to fight stormtroopers or droids.

The gameplay itself is typical hack and slash fare with a Star Wars touch.  There's a wide assortment of abilities and combos to unleash, and it's fun experimenting with your move-set to see what works best.  While the combat is more polished in LucasArts' version, Krome Studio's take is more creative, and in my opinion, more fun.

What also helps keep the combat enjoyable is the diverse enemy roster.  Each planet has its own unique faction, like junk scavengers and scrap droids on Raxus Prime, or native warriors and Rancors on Felucia.  You aren't exclusively fighting the Empire, and the varied roster encourages you to mix up your fighting tactics.

The Rogue Shadow is Starkiller's ship and acts as a hub in between levels.  You can customize your lightsaber, buy upgrades, change outfits, or look at concept art.  There are even cheat codes to input that unlock infinite health, infinite force energy, or access to skins based on legacy characters like Luke Skywalker and Admiral Ackbar.

Each stage features a mini-boss and a boss for Starkiller to face off against.

Though its fun tossing stormtroopers like ragdolls, the gameplay does show its age.  The lock on is spotty.  It often locks on to the the wrong thing you meant to grab or slash.  The enemy AI isn't the brightest either.  I've seen them run into walls or get hung up on objects.  Checkpoints are frequent so even if you die, you won't lose much progress.

The boss fights are serviceable, but it's easy to spam your moves and cheese yourself into an easy victory, and because this is a game from 2008, you use quick time events to finish them off.  Although these sequences are well-animated, the prompts to shake the left or right joy-con in time remind you that this is a 2008 game remastered for 2022.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed features quite a bit of post-game content, including a new game plus option and multiplayer.  Disappointingly, the remaster lacks the PSP-exclusive bonus missions, but the game makes up for this with its GRAPHICALLY IMPRESSIVE visuals.

Someone should have told Aspyr that Wii games weren't meant to run at 60 FPS.  In all seriousness, I'm impressed with how Aspyr remastered this game for the Switch.  Some of the textures look basic and the facial animations are noticeably stiff, but other things like the lighting and environments look great.

The physics might not be as dynamic as Euphoria, but environments are destructible and there's some satisfying ragdoll when you throw someone into a bottomless pit.  I did encounter some minor glitches.  Enemies got hung up on the environment and the ragdoll sometimes made enemies look like they were having a seizure.

The strangest bug was when an enemy suddenly became invincible, unable to be killed or grabbed with force grip.  Fortunately, this didn't prevent me from beating the level.

The multiplayer roster features characters from the movies and expanded universe.

Again, it surreal seeing this game with crisp graphics and a smooth framerate.  Yet, I think it goes to show how Krome Studios didn't half-ass the visuals and put in the effort to make the Wii version look as good as possible.  After playing it, I started thinking about what other Wii games could be remastered for the Switch.  Anyone up for a Ninjabread Man remaster?

Sound is great.  Lightsabers sound like lightsabers and enemies make satisfying death sounds.  The voice performances are great, particularly Sam Witwer as Starkiller.  This game made him a go-to guy for the franchise as he went on to voice Darth Maul and Emperor Palpatine in future Star Wars projects.  The music is good, relying on a mixture of classic Star Wars tracks and new music to heighten the action.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is a solid remaster of its Wii port.  Whether or not you choose to get this version or the readily available LucasArts version boils down to personal preference.  Both games have their strengths and weaknesses.  The Force Unleashed on 360, PS3, and PC is a fine hack and slash but a fantastic tech demo for Euphoria.

The Force Unleashed on Switch is a fine hack and slash that makes the most of the hardware it was on.  The graphics may not be as sharp, but its strong art direction and visual flair help this version stand toe to toe with its HD big brother.  Plus, they ironed out the wonky lightsaber swinging, so you can swing your joy-con and not worry about spraining your wrist.  While I enjoy the HD version for its technical achievements, I enjoy this version for its gameplay and controls.

As for the story, it's an enjoyable tale of evil becoming good, and how one man's actions spark a movement against the Empire.  It's a satisfying story that was in no way ruined by an unnecessary sequel that turned a cool character into a misguided simp.

Final Score: 7/10